When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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