watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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