I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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