I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
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i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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