I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
