and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
