You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
