Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
