I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
