i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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