How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
