So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
