just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
