oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
