I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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