ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
