I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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