Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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