i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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