So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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