You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
