Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
