quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
