im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
