its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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