Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
