So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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