Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
