it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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