She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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