WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
