My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
