If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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