so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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