Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
