This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
