what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
