I want to stick my p in your. b.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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