I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
