then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
