So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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