My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
