I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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