Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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