I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
