take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
