i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
