im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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