I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize