please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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