Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
