It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just found a bag of teeth...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
