Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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