I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
