The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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