K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
