i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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