I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
