I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
its not stalking. its research.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
