I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My bed smells like the plague
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