I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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