You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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